you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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