If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
do herpes really smell.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
