then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
