12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
