Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
please don't ironically join a cult
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