It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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