I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
