im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
