I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize