ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
