Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
