all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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