My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
