1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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