hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
