Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
