You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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