You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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