she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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