He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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