Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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