Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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