I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
