ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
