guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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