Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
