Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
