I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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