No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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