Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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