Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize