sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
