I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I CAN MOONWALK!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
