Is it because I queefed?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
