5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
