I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
