4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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