I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
