So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
