Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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