You can't motorboat a personality
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And then the night went full on bisexual.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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