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Yo dont text me then not text me
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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