so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize