i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
