chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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