I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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