Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
