420 ftw
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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