We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
