On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
