I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
