Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
