i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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