A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
