i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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