i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
it's like iHOP with fire
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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