I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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