Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
And then he peed in my hair
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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