barbara walters just said penis...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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