So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
