another moral hangover. fuck.
you would pick up someone in the library
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
