I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
