Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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