I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
