no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
