I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
