he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
