Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
