tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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