I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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