Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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