Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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