Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I understand Curling. That high.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
