nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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