a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
