all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
