At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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