You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
