I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
