Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
grandma shit on top of the toilet
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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