It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
