the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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