OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
