I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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