How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
