I wish you could order shots online.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
