I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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