It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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