you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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