im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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