i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
