what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
