zippers are such a cool invention
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
