No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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