He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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