Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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