Welp...herpes.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize