She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
