i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
