he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
