how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
we should paint friendship bongs
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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