I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
